Today I came home after quite a weary day at work. The printer has been broken for a while now and while we await a new one I find myself having to trundle up and down the stairs from the warehouse office right to the opposite end of the warehouse every time I need to retrieve something I've printed, or to scan and send documents.
As anyone who works with technology will understand, it is great 'When it Works!' well today it was not working, so I would trundle up the stairs to retrieve the scanned documents only to discover only half of it was visible, or it wasn't readable etc etc, so back down to try again. After a few times I was starting to get both frustrated and tired!
No one else in at work really knew what was going on. The truth of the matter was there was something more at work than just the annoyance of temperamental equipment. There was a hidden war going on which made that frustration much deeper. It is on days like these that the harsh reality of living with Rheumatoid arthritis punches you full on in the stomach.
Most days I just simply carry on, my normal, a bit different to someone else's normal, but nevertheless normal for me. I wear my Ali Taylor smile, refusing to let this wretched disease drag me down, determined to push on through and most of the times most successfully so no-one apart perhaps from my nearest and dearest would have a clue I'm experiencing pain.
But today I came in the door, whipped my shoes off, and simply held my foot trying to cope with the intense pain I was feeling. Such a simple nuisance really you would think, having to go up and down stairs more times than usual, in theory shouldn't it actually be good for me? But for me today, the nuisance left me uttering the words 'Dear God, I'd really like new feet'.
But then as I'd uttered the words, its amazing how suddenly God answers, yet you can pretty much guarantee it won't be in the way you want!
He started to pop images of others in to my mind, some of them people I know. I thought of how they would love to have my feet so they could stand up without the aid of crutches, hobble out to the toilet without having to lug themselves on and off of wheel chairs. I thought of those who would love to even have the sensation of pain, who have to live their daily lives totally paralysed and how the absence of pain puts them at more risk that if it were there. I thought of those who don't have access to the medical care that I am privileged to have, where their illness would progress and be much worse than what I am facing without the right treatment, then I thought of those who may well have been told they are facing terminal illness, who are bedridden unable to move at all without the aid of others,
One of the greatest lessons I have learnt through suffering is this, when I pray, God ALWAYS answers me, but 99% of the time it is through changing my PERSPECTIVE, not my CIRCUMSTANCE.
So there is nothing wrong with my prayer 'Dear God I'd really like new feet', but now I would simply add to it ....'Yet I am so grateful God for the feet you have given me, that I can walk up and down stairs, that I can drive my car, that I can nip to the shops and get in an out of my car with relative ease. I am grateful that the pain in my feet is a warning sign that tells me to stop and rest, I thank you God that I can feel those pains so I can rest my feet to give them time to recover, I thank you that I have shoes to wear on my feet, for a Podiatrist to help make my feet as comfortable as possible by using resources available through the health care system, and right now, I thank you for the comfy chair I have to sit in, and the footrest I have to rest my weary tired sore feet at the end of this day that you have given me. And most of all I thank you that I have a HOPE that is steadfast and sure, coz one day I KNOW I'M GONNA GET NEW FEET! I AM TRULY BLESSED'
Your grateful daughter
AMEN
