Dear God I'd really like new feet

Today I came home after quite a weary day at work. The printer has been broken for a while now and while we await a new one I find myself having to trundle up and down the stairs from the warehouse office right to the opposite end of the warehouse every time I need to retrieve something I've printed, or to scan and send documents.

As anyone who works with technology will understand, it is great 'When it Works!' well today it was not working, so I would trundle up the stairs to retrieve the scanned documents only to discover only half of it was visible, or it wasn't readable etc etc, so back down to try again. After a few times I was starting to get both frustrated and tired!

No one else in at work really knew what was going on. The truth of the matter was there was something more at work than just the annoyance of temperamental equipment. There was a hidden war going on which made that frustration much deeper. It is on days like these that the harsh reality of living with Rheumatoid arthritis punches you full on in the stomach.

Most days I just simply carry on, my normal, a bit different to someone else's normal, but nevertheless normal for me. I wear my Ali Taylor smile, refusing to let this wretched disease drag me down, determined to push on through and most of the times most successfully so no-one apart perhaps from my nearest and dearest would have a clue I'm experiencing pain.

But today I came in the door, whipped my shoes off, and simply held my foot trying to cope with the intense pain I was feeling. Such a simple nuisance really you would think, having to go up and down stairs more times than usual, in theory shouldn't it actually be good for me? But for me today, the nuisance left me uttering the words 'Dear God, I'd really like new feet'.

But then as I'd uttered the words, its amazing how suddenly God answers, yet you can pretty much guarantee it won't be in the way you want!

He started to pop images of others in to my mind, some of them people I know. I thought of how they would love to have my feet so they could stand up without the aid of crutches, hobble out to the toilet without having to lug themselves on and off of wheel chairs. I thought of those who would love to even have the sensation of pain, who have to live their daily lives totally paralysed and how the absence of pain puts them at more risk that if it were there. I thought of those who don't have access to the medical care that I am privileged to have, where their illness would progress and be much worse than what I am facing without the right treatment, then I thought of those who may well have been told they are facing terminal illness, who are bedridden unable to move at all without the aid of others,

One of the greatest lessons I have learnt through suffering is this, when I pray, God ALWAYS answers me, but 99% of the time it is through changing my PERSPECTIVE, not my CIRCUMSTANCE.

So there is nothing wrong with my prayer 'Dear God I'd really like new feet', but now I would simply add to it ....'Yet I am so grateful God for the feet you have given me, that I can walk up and down stairs, that I can drive my car, that I can nip to the shops and get in an out of my car with relative ease. I am grateful that the pain in my feet is a warning sign that tells me to stop and rest, I thank you God that I can feel those pains so I can rest my feet to give them time to recover, I thank you that I have shoes to wear on my feet, for a Podiatrist to help make my feet as comfortable as possible by using resources available through the health care system, and right now, I thank you for the comfy chair I have to sit in, and the footrest I have to rest my weary tired sore feet at the end of this day that you have given me. And most of all I thank you that I have a HOPE that is steadfast and sure, coz one day I KNOW I'M GONNA GET NEW FEET! I AM TRULY BLESSED'

Your grateful daughter

AMEN

In honour of Joni's Waltz

Well I have not blogged for ages, I have enjoyed reading other friends blogs and often thought maybe I should blog again, but sometimes life is so busy and time whizzes by so sat writing a blog has not been at the top of my list of priorites. However I have discovered that when you take the time to read others blogs, it can often leave you inspired and encouraged. There is something about sharing your life with others that somehow connects us, we can realise that we are not alone, sometimes we can relate to what we read.

Well I have been having in truth a bit of a naff time of late, sometimes in those moments you either want to scream out 'is anybody listening!' or the opposite, hide away in silence and hope the moment passes soon without making too much of a fuss!

My doctors words recently were a stark reminder of the reality I face every day 'You know this isn't going to go away'. It was that look she gave me as she said it, she was trying to remind me that 'incurable' means 'incurable'. The trouble is that however real that word may be, it is our natural instinct to fight against it, and often rightly so, and especially when one has a faith and belief in a God that heals. Doesn't my bible say that 'Nothing is impossible!' Is the doctor therefore wrong? No not in the sense of my mortal frame as it is right now, but the thing I have that someone else in the same condition may not have, is an eternal hope, that my mortality is simply temporary and one day I will have a new free painfree body. But I'm not ready to get that body yet, as much as the thought of it stirs a yearning and a longing deep within in anticipation of that day.

I have though a lot about my physical ailment and healing over the years. Its one of those BIG questions isn't it, why do some people experience divine healing, but others do not. 

With my recent blip in health again resulting in incessant pain, lack of sleep and feeling pretty much drained, I have started to read a book by Joni Eareckson Tada called 'Heaven, what will it be like?', if there is anyone who I want to hear her thoughts on Heaven and suffering, it is her who after a lifetime in a wheelchair gives such an amazing insight into exactly the same dilemma I have faced, that healing is not your personal experience, despite your faith in God who heals.

I'm so glad I have picked up this book, for those of my friends and family who know me well may well have heard my insights on this very subject as I have been exploring my thoughts on 'Healing, Suffering and Mortality', the now in the context of the eternal that is to come.

Joni's Waltz is an amazing song that has inspired me and affirmed to me that God is in my journey, all the way, even in the suffering and the pain, He has a plan for my life:

Joni's Waltz (by Nancy Honeytree)

Though I spend my mortal lifetime in this chair,

I refuse to waste it living in despair.
And though others may receive
Gifts of healing, I believe
That He has given me a gift beyond compare....

For heaven is nearer to me,
And at times it is all I can see.
Sweet music I hear
Coming down to my ear;
And I know that it's playing for me.

For I am Christ the Savior's own bride,
And redeemed I shall stand by His side.
He will say, "Shall we dance?"
And our endless romance
Will be worth all the tears I have cried.

I rejoice with him whose pain my Savior heals.
And I weep with him who still his anguish feels.
But earthly joys and earthly tears,
Are confined to earthly years.
And a greater good the Word of God reveals.

In this life we have a cross that we must bear;
A tiny part of Jesus' death that we can share.
And one day we'll lay it down,
For He has promised us a crown,
To which our suffering can never be compared.

 

 

Well this sums it up quite well really

 

God Bless

 

 



Beautiful Truth

A friend sent me this the other day, and I simply want to share it with you, such beautiful truth

STONE

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING

THROUGH THE DESERT .

DURING SOME POINT OF THE

JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN

ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND

SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE

IN THE FACE

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED

WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT

SAYING ANYTHING,

WROTE IN THE SAND ,

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND

SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE .

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,

UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,

WHERE THEY DECIDED

TO TAKE A BATH .

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN

SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE

MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,

BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM

THE NEAR DROWNING,

HE WROTE

ON A STONE:

'TODAY MY BEST FRIEND

SAVED MY LIFE'

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED

AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND

ASKED HIM, 'AFTER I HURT YOU,

YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,

YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?'

THE FRIEND REPLIED

'WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US

WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN

IN SAND, WHERE WINDS OF

FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,

WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE

WHERE NO WIND

CAN EVER ERASE IT'

LEARN TO WRITE

YOUR HURTS IN

THE SAND AND TO

CARVE YOUR

BENEFITS IN STONE.

Friendships "Old & New" - "Silver & gold"

"Make new friends
But keep the old
They are Silver
But these are Gold"

We all know the above saying don't we, I was thinking about it and I'm not sure I agree with the sentiment exactly.

We went away to see friends in Bracknell this weekend, its always quite surreal going back, especially when staying with good friends whose house is directly opposite our old house! Odd drawing the curtains and looking across the road. The kids this time wanted to knock on the door and go & have a look at whether it had changed much, we could see the height of the small conifers we had planted towering up at the back, another sign of how time has passed and things have grown....

...as have my offspring, now 17, 15 and 12; having moved when they were 10, 8 and 5...
But what is so special is that regardless of the years that have passed, and the distance between... is being able to go back and embrace friends as if you'd never been away...

I was pondering those that we have lost over the years and thinking...will it be like that in heaven...just like embracing friends as if we've never been apart....still that love and connection between us despite the years of separation not seeing each other...sometimes to get the heavenly picture...we just need to look at the simple reality that is spelled out here on earth...maybe sometimes we look for too complicated an answer when its right before our eyes.

I guess the only difference, is I can't choose to visit those that are gone, but I can choose to see those that are yet living here on earth....but either way, I am grateful for family & friends, Old and New, those passed and those that remain, in my eyes...unlike the verse above....they are ALL GOLD...

So to all my friends out there....you bring a touch of Gold to my life..whether you are near or far, whether I see you often, rarely or not at all...thank you for being a part of my life.

The day of new beginnings

Do you have unfulfilled dreams and visions? Do you ever wonder if you will ever see them accomplished? I've been in that place many times before.... but you know I have learnt that sometimes we simply have to wait for the "appointed time". It is good to write these things down, and then you can look back and be thankful for every opportunity that has arisen, however small, in making your dream become a reality.

"Put it in writing, because it is not yet time for it to come true. But the time is coming quickly, and what I show you will come true. It may seem slow in coming, but wait for it; it will certainly take place, and it will not be delayed" Habakkuk 2:3

I had a dream since being a young child, with my passion for music and song writing to record an album, I always wanted to sing, and I look back over the years and have many precious memories of those times when I was able to use my God given gifts for him, and I am grateful for each person that has been a part of that journey and encouraged me along the way. But when I was in my late teens I had no idea that I would have to wait until I was in my 40s to see the dream of recording an album fulfilled. But I beleive that Father Gods timing is perfect....and I have held on to the scripture that I was given at my baptism in 1980 through seasons when I simply thought the dream would never become real.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Now I am so grateful as finally that dream has been accomplished, My album "Simple Faith" was released last September, and now God is opening doors that I never dreamed possible. I am so thankful for loving supportive family and friends who have walked the journey to this place.

Yesterday was such an exciting day, Simon and I rose early and headed of towards Chatham, Kent. We had such a blessed and priveleged time sharing with the fellowship at "The Word House". God is good, and He knows the plans He has for us, and I know in my heart that this was the start of something new.

We have faced many seasons of painful circunstances, but now is the time for new beginnings....and the key is to not look back on the past circumstances that have hindered the dream, but to look ahead, in faith to all the new that is to come.

So if you have dreams and visions that are yet unaccomplished, do not give up, hold on and and it will come.

"Forget the former things;
   do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
   and streams in the wasteland. " Isaiah 43:18-19

"May he give you the desire of your heart
   and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy over your victory
   and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
   May the LORD grant all your requests." Psalm 20:4-5

"Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4


http://www.ajtmusic.co.uk/

Busyness .V. Resting

Well I tried to start writing a new post for my blog page quite a number of times this week, and then signed off and left it. So I am guessing that sometimes when we find ourselves in the place of simply having to stop (which if you ask any of my friends and family is not easy for me to do!), it's not just the physical body that slows down!

I find myself somewhere between having an operation that now means either sitting with my foot elevated or hobbling around with crutches, to the time when I can start to get back to normal again on both feet! In every situation there is always a lesson to be learned, maybe for me it is simply how to be patient, or to open my world up to the joys of reading, playing on my daughters DS, or simply taking the time to be still and contemplate, which rarely happens in the midst of the chaos of busy family life. As a Mum it is incredibly hard to sit back and watch everyone else take over, especially in those moments when you are trying to deliver instructions from a distance and everything within you thinks "it would be so much easier if I could just do it myself!" But the reality is, that these times are lessons for us all, yes it may be easier if I did it, but it can still get done without me, because I have a loving capable family who in many ways are wanting to help me(possibly so I get better quicker? :) but it's an opportunity for us all as a family to learn and grow!

But today also, I find myself reminded of the lyrics of one of my own songs - how easily we can sometimes forget that which has come from our own heart. How funny that in the busy times we can crave that place of rest, and when we find ourselves having to rest we crave being busy! So I am going to listen to my own words which I share also in my blog today, and enjoy the respite from the busyness, and rest as Mary did, at the feet of Jesus, and see what He says to me.

Simple Faith
© 2003 Alison J Taylor
Like a child, that’s how he wants us to come
As we are nothing more
Like a child, all of our doubts left behind
Simple faith as a child
Simple faith as a child

We’re so busy
Trying to keep pace with the times
Always someone trying to better our lives
Forever rushing, striving to fit things all in
Anytime left? To get on our knees before Him
Disappointments
Things just not working out right
In the desert, I call out to you in the night
Every problem, clouding my view of the one
Who is waiting, to take my hand lead me on

We see things through our adult eyes
We complicate simple things
We always have to question and ask why
Look in the mirror and see the child inside
You can listen to the song by following the link below:
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_6163740

The OUTCOME outweighs the SUFFERING

Isaiah 53:3-5 (GOD’S WORD Translation)

    ³He was despised and rejected by people.
      He was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering.
      He was despised like one from whom people turn their faces,
         and we didn’t consider him to be worth anything.
    ⁴He certainly has taken upon himself our suffering
         and carried our sorrows,
            but we thought that God had wounded him,
               beat him, and punished him.
    ⁵He was wounded for our rebellious acts.
      He was crushed for our sins.
         He was punished so that we could have peace,
            and we received healing from his wounds.


Isn't what Jesus did for us totally amazing!

Sometimes we face sorrows.
Sometimes we experience pain.
Sometimes we hurt inside.
Sometimes we grieve.
Sometimes we are misunderstood.
Sometimes we are rejected.
Sometimes we carry unanswered questions.
Sometimes prayers are not answered as we'd like.
Sometimes lifes struggles seem so overwhelming.
Sometimes we wonder if what we're going through will ever end.


JESUS carries our sorrows
JESUS carried our pain
JESUS friends let him down
JESUS sweat tears of grief
JESUS was misunderstood
JESUS was rejected
JESUS cried "Father, if it be possible remove this cup from me"
JESUS was crushed
JESUS cried "It is finished!"

I am about to undergo surgery on my foot due to damage from the disease "Rheumatoid Arthritis", this Monday I was not in a good place, we had focused on healing again on Sunday, that Jesus carried our sickness on the cross. I felt hurt that for whatever reason, my prayers for healing appear unanswered, that my pain goes on each day unchanged, I wrestled with unanswered questions "If healing is that simple Father, why do I not experience it?, You know I believe, what more do I need to do?" I struggled with what I am about to face, the anaesthetic, the wound to heal, the rehab period before I'll be walking again properly. In my heart I yearned, "if it be possible, heal this foot so I don't have to face this surgery!" PLEASE!
Jesus reminded me of the cross again, but suddenly a new light dawned, he knew ALL I was going to face, he knows every detail of my life, and he's already carried my sorrow about this op, he understands totally my pain, my sorrow, my desperation. He was fully God yet fully man, he faced all this as a man, just like us, he just gently reminds us to lay our anxieties on him, because he has already suffered the "Anguish" for us.
What he went through for us and the victory he won on the cross, has given us total forgiveness, freedom, a way to the very throne room of the Father, where we can find all the help in our time of need.

I know that He will help me through this op, as he understands what it is to endure through pain. And the out come will be GOOD, a new freedom to walk again without the pain.

JESUS endured the cross for me, that I might have the promise of eternal life. He faced it because he knew the outcome far outweighed the suffering. WOW there's a lesson to be learnt in that!

Lord How Faithful Thou Art

I wrote this poem a few years back, I thought I'd share it on my blog today:

Lord How Faithful Thou Art

(c)2004Alison J Taylor

In the silence this moment seems to bring

My head seems crowded with so many things

I want to let go of the cares of the day

But I just can’t seem to chase them away

They envelope me like a large black cloud

I long for the rays of sun to shine down

To shine through the rain in a spectrum of light

Revealing the colours of your rainbow of life

Yet the cloud seems to stay bringing sickness and pain

Is this part of you plan? Will this always remain?

The enemy mocks me with accusation and blame

To cause me to turn and dishonour your name

Yet YOUR word I remember, it is carved on my heart

Each promise you took the time to impart

You whispered my name as each promise I found

And so I will choose to declare them out loud

“Fear not I am with you, I’ve called you by name

The fire will not burn you when you pass through the flame.

The water won’t drown you for you’re my redeemed.

Take hold of my promise and you will succeed.”

“For I know the plans that I have for your life,

To Bless you, not harm you, to bring comfort not strife

I NEVER will  leave you; you’re a crown in My hand,

Before birth I knew you and saw My GOOD plan”

“So NOTHING can separate you from My love,

Not even the troubles that momentarily come.

For your name is engraved in the palm of my hand,

I am always beside you wherever you stand.”

Lord, I lay down my burdens, the weariness, the pain.

And I remember the cross where My saviour was slain.

Jesus love so amazing in death He became

My freedom, my victory, when I believe in His name

So I will wait on you Lord in the secret place

Where you take of my yoke and I rise by your grace

To soar with the eagles on wings up above

Renewed and strengthened by your unconditional love

As I’m touched by your Spirit, it burns deep in my soul

Of how awesome you are and I bow at your throne

Lord receive all my worship and please let it be

A sweet smelling fragrance that is pleasing to Thee

I stand here before you “Lord Here I am”

Please do in my life all that you can

 Each gift you have given I surrender to you

Let ‘this’ life touch others in all that I do

For you alone are worthy of all that I am

I will praise you whatever my circumstance

In good times, in tough times, I will praise as I should

And each day I’ll remember that Lord you are GOOD.

So Dear Father please guide me as I’m following you

When sometimes the journey means I can’t see the view

When the hill seems so steep and the path so rugged

Help me to press on till I reach the summit

And then I’ll look back on the pathway you carved

Then I’ll see clearly why sometimes it was hard

Only then will I know all the reasons you had

For the journey I’d travelled, then I’ll understand

Then I will rejoice with the trouble now past

I will sing with the angels, the race run at last

Until then I will trust you you’ve captured my heart

I find such peace knowing

LORD HOW FAITHFUL THOU ART.

Looking back, looking forward

I have just enjoyed celebrating my sisters 40th birthday at her party yesterday. It was a special time for us as a family and wonderful seeing her surrounded by all her friends. As we shared together after the usual blowing out of the candles on the cake we took a moment to be thankful to God as just 13 years ago my sisters life was hanging in the balance .I remember trying to wear out the hospital floor as I paced its corridors whilst she underwent life saving surgery having been told it was unlikely she would survive the anaesthetic. I ponder the psalmists words;

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" Psalm 139:16

God knew that my sisters days were not up, even in those moments of desperation when we didn't know what the outcome was going to be. HE KNEW, she was going to LIVE even as we faced uncertainty.

And she did live, and now we look in thanks for those years since and all that is yet to come as His promise says;

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

God has a plan for my sisters future, He has a plan for me and he has a plan for you. How wonderful that we can rest in His word, that HE KNOWS, and if we truly TRUST HIM, then this surely helps take the worry out of what the future may hold, whatever our circumstance may be. I am reminded of the words of an old song I remember singing as a child in church:

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!"

Amen to that!

Be still

Sometimes we have little blips in Life that make us stop and be still. I believe they are God moments, when he just says its time to stop and rest in Him. This is one of those times, I have had raised blood pressure since Monday which means I have had to take it easy (not that I've wanted to!) but in those moments I hear his voice whispering to me

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

Seasons and Chapters

We often view life as a journey, we talk of seasons that come and go, some bringing joy and others bringing pain. We can view our lives as if writing a book, considering each season as a different chapter to add to what is the unfolding novel of our lives. My life has many chapters, my happy childhood growing up in a loving household, the teenage years making new friends and acquiring qualifications, becoming independant, pursuing a career, working, meeting and falling in love with my husband, getting married, enjoying establishing a home together, seeing our three children born, moving house 3 times, moving to a new area - leaving old friends, making new friends. Some chapters include the pain and grief of losing precious friends, facing traumatic circumstances, coping with serious illness and physical pain, and watching loved ones face the final chapter of their lives.....reaching their eternal destiny. But throughout all these different chapters/seasons there is one thing that remains constant, that enables me to keep going through the tough bits, and that is the constant prescence of a loving heavenly Father who has never let me go, or left me, who always loves me, who sends his spirit to comfort me, who upholds me with his righteous right hand, and who'll be there cheering me on all the way to the finish line when I will meet him face to face.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him" James 1:12

"No eye has seen,
      no ear has heard,
   no mind has conceived
   what God has prepared for those who love him" 1Corinthians 2:8

The Blogging Begins

Well I have debated starting a blog for sometime now, so here it is! Not quite sure what will fill the pages as the weeks go by, but here we go. Well its Monday morning, usually not everyones favourite day, I don't think my husband was overwhelmed with excitement as he walked out of the door to work today, neither were my children bouncing for joy as they were awoken to get ready for another school day. Soon the house is quiet, I consider all I need to do versus all I'd like to do, what I'd like to be able to do but am unable to do, what I'd like to plan to do but that has to stay on hold for now. And then I am reminded of all God has given me, and I am thankful, for my husband who faithfully works hard to provide for us, for our lovely home, for food on the table as well as alot more, for my children who are doing so well at school, are passionate to follow Jesus and who bring much joy to my life, for friends who are just a phonecall away, for a car to get me from A to B, for medicines to keep me healthier than I'd be without them, for all that God has given, and all that He has promised, and I remember that I AM BLESSED. Then I am reminded of a song "Blessed to be a blessing", so that is what i consider today, "Father God, thankyou for blessing me, please give me opportunites to BLESS OTHERS today" - so if you read my blog today

"May the Lord bless you and keep you
May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you
May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace" Numbers 6:24

BE BLESSED!